It's nearing the end of May, as I'm sure many of you are aware! Unless you genuinely didn't know, in which case, I have just informed you. I only knew because of the handy date-teller on the bottom right of my screen.... and even then, one can be suspicious of whether it is an honest reflection of the position of the Earth in relation to the sun as it goes about it's yearly orbit. How can my half-alive computer, fondly named Vick, possibly understand such phenomenon? Vick does what I tell it, some of the time... And my brain rejects useful knowledge such as date and time on a regular basis, so... I suppose it's a good thing Vick does the reminding for me...Either way, Vick is saying it's May. Near the end.

For me, this year so far has been horribly amazing. I know it's only the 5th month, but I'm in danger of combustion from the feeling of being pulled in 8 different directions at once. Much like if eight people, or perhaps mischievous baboons, each takes hold of a squid's tentacle and wanders off some place over there, in different directions.

By horribly, I mean it has been horrible.

By amazing, I mean it has been amazing.

Both words squished and mushed together into a puddle of intense, greeny-bluey gloop of togetherness, mixed by the winds of life and added to by the rain of depression and then evaporated by the glorious sun.

It would me uncivilized of me to go into detail of what has been horrible, so instead I will make this a pleasant update, and you'll read happily knowing that what you read is all vast improvements to other things that were in dire need of improving, and may have been fleeting glimmers of delicious sunlight lasting a not-so-long-time. Or perhaps I'll get distracted and forget I said this, and just go on about what happens to come to mind.

I always find these things self-centered... I guess that's what they're here for though. In any case, I have been drawing.

This is always a good thing. When I'm drawing, my world is alright.

When I'm not drawing, something is amiss. Unless I'm genuinely busy... in which case I simply do not have what is known as time. However, lately this has both been not the case and also the case. I can't remember exactly when it has been the case, but there is an A2 drawing sitting on my bedroom floor, which indicates that there has been activity in the drawing department in the recent past, present, and hopefully future.

I've had commissions too. And essays. The essays haven't been too pleasant, but it's okay now. I have one week left of non-essay filled time left before every golden bit of lovelyness is burned by the dull, grey smoke of constructing valid arguments about things vaguely to do with what I'm supposed to know about.

Anyway.

I feel this is slightly necessary. Although I have always preferred to keep quiet, or even downplay things, the hope that I might be able to help someone gives me incentive to share this. If you feel the grip of depression. Get help, talk to the doctor, they can help you. Trust me, life isn't supposed to be lived wishing for it to end... And face it. Don't keep thinking 'I'm not bad enough/ It's not that bad yet/ there's people worse than me. It's denial... It's not your friend!
I have no facts to back up my claim, but I feel that artists (non-artists too!) are vulnerable to the downward spirals of so many things that are less-than-pretty. As one of them, and as one who is finally realizing that I left it way too long, I want to tell you that there is a way out and there is no reason for you not to be happy. You don't have to constantly live in that other-world. You don't have to will the dreaming to forever linger. Talk to someone. Please. You have talents and qualities that are worth sharing and living for, and no matter what the voices tell you, you are important.

If you happen to feel that similar lethargic feeling of wanting to stay under some sort of rock or perhaps fallen log and never surface, because if you did, the world would flinch away at you, I'm here to talk to. An anonymous ...lady...woman...am I really an adult now?! with a heart who cares enough to want to help you out.
Drop me a note and let me care.

In other news, I've managed to lose almost half a stone without eating more of anything particularly boring or green. All I can think of is feeling less down, as far as I can tell, has stopped my developing of eating disorders and thus my body is finally becoming it's destined weight. My mind can finally focus on what it should focus on, instead of food, and how bad I'm going to feel after I eat.

That was remarkably open of me to share.

I impress myself today. Alright, I need to end this, as I have a logo to finish for someone. And then, then I might possibly draw. Because I love drawing, and I am allowed to do what I love, aren't I? So are you.

You are important, and don't allow anybody, or anyvoice, anythought, convince you otherwise.

Peace
Becky